Yesterday was my Mom’s Birthday

Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday, but she wasn’t here to celebrate it. She hasn’t been here for the last 3 birthdays. She died 3 1/2 years ago. April 1, 2014.  We lost her to that terrible monster Cancer. She would be 67. So young, so much life left to live. Some days it is really hard being a mom when your own mom is gone. There are so many questions that I have, things I would have just asked her, that I have to figure out for myself, look upon google or just wonder about.

So much has happened since she has gone. Two more of my kids have graduated. One has gotten married and moved away. Another has moved out and then  moved 10 hours away! Jordyn and David have gotten so big. I’m sure she would have lots to say about Jordy’s crazy hair colours and David’s “nothing but grey clothes” phase. Mom always had lots to say about everything and it drove us all nuts but we would give anything to have her back to give her opinion on everything.

I feel that my kids are missing out so much  with her being gone. Especially the younger 2. David has so few memories of her. He was only 7 when she died. While she wasn’t big on babysitting she loved to spend one on one time with her grandkids. She liked to make them feel special. Kids need that.

She loved books and music and sunrises and sunsets and walking and talking and murder mysteries. Oh and garage sales! And making things for people. She was always trying to teach my older girls to sew and knit. She loved doing crafts with the kids.

My grief journey has been a bumpy one. I wish grieving would be a linear thing. That at a certain point you would be “better”,but it isn’t. You simply learn to cope without that person in your life. It is difficult and painful but you have to move forward. Or else you will die too…

I miss you mom

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